The Hating Game

Man. This was the perfect book to get me back into reading. It's fast, frothy and fun. But it's not completely frivolous. You know the old trope of two beautiful people hate each other, but then find out they LOVE each other? That's this book. Which you could probably figure out from the title alone.

PLOT: Josh and Lucy work together at a publishing company run by two completely opposite personalities. The company was formed when two struggling publishing houses merged to make one stable(ish) company. She's the executive assistant to one CEO, and he's the executive assistant to the other. They play games with each other, they steal things off each other's desks, and other generally childish nonsense. Then, one day, he kisses her and everything changes. Could this actually work? And what about that "no fraternization" rule? Can their relationship survive them competing for the same promotion? Or a weekend trip to his brother's wedding - a weekend full of family drama? I bet you can guess the answer.

Despite the overabundance of cliches, this book is as feel-good as they come. You know what's going to happen, and you're going to get mad at Lucy because she is so obtuse. But when it's over and you put it down, you're going to long for something romantic to happen to you.

As I was reading it, I thought that it would be a great movie. And it turns out so did Hollywood, because they're making it. Looks like it's still in pre-production, so it will be a while before it comes out, but the cast looks decent - not too different than I imagined them in my mind. 

2020 Vision

How many blog posts / click bait article headlines / Facebook status updates say that this year? Probably almost all of them. Hey, I never said I'm highly original.

Here I am, with the usual January optimism that I can keep this thing going. I'm making no real promises. But this year, I do have a few things backing up my resolution to read 24 books. First, I have a great group of friends who are keeping me accountable. Secondly, I have a life coach that is also keeping me accountable and keeping me on track for my goals. I have four main goals this year:

1. Read 24 books - two books a month may not sound like a lot, but it's a heckuva lot more than I've been reading.

2. Travel with my daughter - three trips this year. Two within California (we each pick a destination) and one to another state. Abbey has chosen Palm Springs as her CA trip, and I've chosen Sequoia National Park. As for another state, the possibilities are: Minnesota, Alaska, and New Jersey.

3. Get healthier, participate in at least one triathlon with friends.

4. Write a book.

My plan is to write about each of the 24 books I read this year. One post per book. Nothing too ambitious. But if I just get started writing again, I am hoping I'll pick up momentum.

Happy New Year!

I'm Back! With a challenge for 2019

I have forgotten how to read.

What I mean by that is that I have forgotten how to enjoy reading fiction. You know that longing for a book? That feeling of severe anticipation? That staying up late to finish the next chapter which turns into the next six chapters? I've lost it. And I miss it. I still accumulate books as fast as (or maybe faster than) usual. I listen to audio books often enough. But if I think about the books that I sat down and read last year, I'm sure it's less than 10. That is embarrassing, but beyond that, it makes me sad. Reading fiction used to be such a huge part of my life. I have excuses - like raising a kid who is now almost 6 years old, and building a law practice. But the point is that I miss it and I want to make some changes. 

Besides the pleasure in stories and characters and the escape of getting into someone else's life or another place, the ability to read and enjoy fiction is so beneficial.

I have a friend who loves reading non-fiction. I do too, of course, but she really loves it and she reads non-fiction almost exclusively. I tease her that because she reads no fiction, she has no empathy and she's a cold, stone-hearted individual. It's a joke between us, and I don't honestly believe she has no empathy, but it is absolutely true that reading fiction allows us to see the world through a lens we might not normally see. I'd give you a source for that fact, but 1) I'm too lazy to look it up, and 2) it seems too obvious to really need a citation. 

You know how Google and Facebook and basically all of the internet sees what you search / read / post / discuss, and then feeds you search results and ads that cater to those interests? We're becoming people who only read and see things with which we already agree and believe. Reading fiction is the antidote to that. It gives perspective. Of course, with fiction, you can end up reading only books and stories with characters who believe as you do, but let's talk about one problem at a time, shall we?

Another benefit to reading is the focus it gives. I have an extreme lack of focus lately. I am a small business owner, and a single mom. I spend so much time thinking about efficiency and multi-tasking that I often feel like I'm in a whirlwind and I just grab the post-it note that happens to be flying by me at the moment. I need to take time to slow down and center myself. Reading fiction is good for that. It takes me out of that whirlwind, places me in a serene garden, and forces me to sit and think about only one thing at a time. I've been doing that with movies a lot in the last year - if you go to a movie at the theater, you have to focus only on the movie. If I watch a movie at home, I'm sewing or cleaning, or playing Tetris on my phone. I need to do something similar for my reading.

I often notice that when I take that hour each day to read, I begin to focus more when addressing other parts of my life. If I can sit still for an hour to read, I begin to focus more when answering emails. I begin to be better at keeping a clean house so that I can get to that reading time.I spend less time playing phone games and more time giving my brain a rest - yes, engaging the part of my brain that exercises reading comprehension gives the other parts of my brain time to recover. I'm going to monitor this more throughout this year as I read more.

The other big benefit to reading fiction is that it sparks my creativity. I am a writer by day. I'm an attorney, and basically the only thing I do is read and write. I write appellate briefs, which are usually intense and large projects, involving combing through thousands of pages of evidence and transcripts to find the nuggets that will help my arguments. It also involves reading and researching case law and precedent. Often, when I am done with a day of reading mundane transcripts, I don't want to come home and read more. I'm getting older and my eyes get tired more easily. Staring at a computer screen all day isn't helping. But the truth is that the times I'm reading fiction regularly are the times I've written the best briefs. My language gets more colorful (in a very tasteful and professional way, I promise), my analogies are brighter, and my thoughts are more coherent.

I'm part of a small, rather unique online group of single mom attorneys. The internet is wonderful for allowing a very narrow group of people who live all across the country to come together and provide love and support as we navigate life. We've talked a lot in the past few weeks about our thoughts and goals for 2019. Here's what I've come up with.

1. I am going to choose two words for 2019: PERSPECTIVE and FOCUS. These words will be present in my mind and will direct my actions. Everything I do will be done with focus and will consider all perspectives.

2. I am going to read more this year. I have agreed to a challenge with my group, part of which is to read one hour a day - phone and electronics off - nothing but me and the words on the page. This reading is going to be in real books. Time spent with audio books does not count. If 2018 was the year of the podcast for me, then 2019 is the year of my return to books. I'm going to keep track of what I read - daily pages, the books I read, etc. And I'm going to write a post here about each and every book I read this year. I'll also keep track in Goodreads, but this will be home base. If I don't finish a book every week, I'll do a weekly update on Sunday or Monday.

3. I'm also going to floss every day, but that seems irrelevant to this post.

Here's to a year of gaining more perspective, more focus and whittling down the pile of books I own but haven't yet read.

P.S. The pictures in this post are my daughter enjoying snow for the first time yesterday. Yes, she's almost 6 and this is her first time in snow. We live in Southern California. Don't judge. 

Reasons I Stopped Posting

Listed in descending order of importance, here are the reasons I stopped posting over the past 4 years: 

1. Motherhood 

2. Lawyering 

3. Divorce 

4. Dating a non-reader 

5. Starting my own appellate law practice. 

It's been a rough few years, people. Lots of life changes. But I want to start posting again! I miss it. I miss the community of book bloggers. I miss feeling connected with similar people. 

Being a mom is a big change, but I thought maybe I could get my daughter to pick a book to post about every once in awhile, and get her involved in it. Genius, right? Yeah, I know. All my brain power has been lying dormant, so I'm going to have a few genius nuggets here and there. 

Nothing puts a damper on a desire to learn like reading and writing and critical thinking all day at work! But now that I have my own practice, and set my own schedule, maybe that can change. Oh wait. It's a practice that involves even more writing than before. Well, cheers. 

Divorce followed by depression put a huge damper on my desire to be productive. But it didn't put a damper on my writing. I'm also happy to report that we made it through the process alive, and we didn't kill each other. To the contrary, we get along pretty well for divorced people, and we are shockingly good at this co-parenting thing. (I suppose we'll see how it turns out in 15 years or so, but for now, everyone seems to be as well-adjusted as can be expected.) 

Dating a non-reader was the thing that dampered my reading the most. He said I read more than anyone he knows. And I probably read 10 books in the entire year we were together. Yeah - WERE together. It's ok. It was a rebound relationship. He's a decent person, but obviously not for me. 

I actually think that now that things are rolling with my practice I'll get better at time management. And any writing I can do will help hone my craft so to speak. So I will dust off the books on my shelf and get back to it. I think I should start with something frothy and delicious!    

Advice

If you're not following the "This Day in Lettres" portion of The American Reader, you should be. It's such a great site. They post letters, mostly written by authors to other authors, but sometimes between other important/famous people. I love reading them, because no one really writes letters anymore. They're personal, so it satisfies my voyeuristic inclinations. But it also gives me insight into the minds of people I admire, allowing me to better appreciate their works.

Here is a quote from a post on The American Reader today. It is from a letter written by Anton Chekhov to the aspiring writer Maxim Gorky. He first praises Maxim (which is always the best option - praise first, then criticize), and then levels this criticism at him:

"I’ll start by saying that, in my opinion, you lack restraint. You are like a spectator in the theater who expresses his delight with so little restraint that he prevents himself and others from listening. This lack of restraint is especially evident in the nature descriptions you use to break up your dialogues."

This is obviously excellent advice for all writers. I can't tell you how many times I've read a book and thought the same thing. The most recent example being In Cold Blood. (I actually plan to do a review of this soon. Yeah, I know it's not really believable given my track record. Give me a break.) But it's also good advice for me and the legal writing I do. I know it will surprise no one when I say that there is a tendency in legal writing to dramatize and complicate fairly simple issues. We could all use a dose of restraint.

I've been thinking about writing a lot lately because it's been kind of a rough year for me, and I've been encouraged by several people to write about what's been happening. Not to show anyone else or to do anything constructive with what I write, but to write solely as a vehicle for feeling. For processing feelings. For understanding my feelings. And for healing. I've been doing it some, and it really is a great process. I never know exactly how I feel until I spend some time writing it all out. In this sort of writing, there is no need for conciseness and word vomit is actually the point - to say everything as many times as you can and in as many ways as you can.

I say all this, not because it is something new or surprising or even interesting, but because I think that's why letter writing is an important and wonderful thing. It causes one to stop, shut out everything else, and concentrate on one thing. In putting thoughts into words meant for someone else to read, the writer is more careful about what he is communicating. Writing letters is nice for the recipient, but it's important for the writer too. I'm writing a letter today.

The Paris Wife

Hello. Three months. That's how old this cutie pie is.

Mother's Day, 2013

Also, that's about how long it took me to read The Paris Wife. I had one week off of work before she was born, and I took another five weeks off after the birth. I had all these great plans about how much reading I'd get done during that time. I knew I'd be tired and recovering and adjusting, etc. But I also knew there would be a lot of time sitting and breast feeding and recovering, etc. I had no idea that the week before the birth I would only want to lay on the couch and fall asleep to old episodes of Dexter. That holding a book up in the air while lying down would be exhausting. That breastfeeding takes two hands and full attention. That reading before bed would be impossible, because every time my head hit the pillow I instantly fell asleep.

But, I am finally getting some things figured out. I can read while feeding her now. Also, I am blessed with a child who sleeps all night already. I'm not sure if it will last, but I'm enjoying it while I can. She sleeps from about 11 p.m to 6 a.m. every night. It's a miracle and I love it.

My personal reading isn't the only thing that's suffering. My book club has basically ceased to exist while I've been in the land of diapers and sore nipples. I suppose I need to get around to setting a new meeting date and pick a book to read, but I keep putting it off for some reason. I really need to do it, though, because I could use a night out and a reason to read something new. I really miss talking to people other than coworkers and family.

In light of that, I'm deciding between two books to read for book club. Juliet, Naked by Nick Hornby and The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz. Any opinions?
 

Reflective of my current struggles, I'm currently reading "Stress Management for Lawyers" by Amiram Elwork. It's been a stressful first year as an attorney, and there's been a lot of adjusting. Throw in an infant, and I'm all out of ways to cope and function like a practical human being. I don't know how much help this book will be, but I'm giving it a shot. So far, the first few chapters are all about why being an attorney is so stressful. It's a bit Captain Obvious, and I'm hoping the chapters about how to manage stress will actually be helpful. I read the first of them last night, and the advice was to keep your body healthy, because good physical health = good mental health. Again, Captain Obvious. I'm starting to lose hope. But because I am a glutton for punishment, I'll keep reading it.

But, I did enjoy The Paris Wife, by Paula McClain. It took me three months to read it, but not because it wasn't good. It's just that I was so tired I could only read a page or two at a time. In case you don't know, this is a fictional account of Ernest Hemingway's first marriage to Hadley Richardson. It's told from Hadley's perspective, and it takes place during their time in Paris in the 1920s. There's lots of drinking, money problems, and miscommunication. In the end, of course, he and Hadley divorced, and probably for the better. But she was there to observe, encourage and maybe even cause his emergence as an artist. Maybe he would have become what he did with or without her, but I'm sure that without her he would have been different. And I like my Hemingway just how he is, thank you very much.

I've read A Moveable Feast about three times (maybe four). I love it. As far as memoirs go, it's practically perfect in every way. It (sort of) tells a story, but more than that it makes the reader feel what it was like to be there in that time and place. In 1920s Paris. With F. Scott Fitzgerald, and Zelda and Gertrude Stein and all the artists, etc. Admittedly, I'm more a fan of British Literature, particularly the Regency and Victorian periods. But there's something dreamy and wonderful about American literature in the early 1900s. I've written about this before, in my post about the movie Midnight in Paris. I'm a huge fan of that movie.

Reading A Moveable Feast is like being in a dream. It seems glorious, but just underneath the surface, there's something lurking. Nothing sinister, but something is off - a bit of dysfunction, a bit of being this close to teetering off the edge.

Reading The Paris Wife is not like that. It's very matter of fact. It's clear from the beginning (even if you didn't know their story) that the relationship is doomed. Therefore, plot isn't going to carry this thing, and there is more pressure on the author to make the journey through the marriage compelling. Paula McClain did a fairly decent job, but she's no Hemingway, that's for sure. 

I know there's probably a lot I should be saying about feminism and how Hemingway basically just used Hadley up and took advantage of her very supportive presence. How she gave him everything he had, and all he gave her was heartache and grief. He took everything and left her dried up on the floor. And in reality, I have really strong feelings about this sort of thing. I am really lucky that I found a husband that is majorly supportive of all I want to do. He didn't blink an eye when I told him I wanted to go to law school, which meant a major upheaval in our lives. He didn't hesitate to support me when I told him I wanted to spend an entire summer studying abroad in Europe - away from him. And I like to think I've been supportive of him too. I couldn't have done what Hadley did, and I'm glad I don't have to.

I've often said that getting married shouldn't mean you lose yourself. It just means that you gain a partner. That's not how it was for Hadley and Ernest. Theirs was a very unequal relationship, and yet, I can't be totally angry with him for failing her so much. Maybe it's just because I'm such a fan of his work. But I think it's more than that. Hadley was smart. She knew how to read him and support him. She knew how he was when she agreed to marry him. She knew what he needed from the beginning and she made the conscious choice to give it to him - to be what he needed. She made the decision to give herself up and at the same time give the world the gift of Hemingway. That was her contribution to art and letters. It's what she could give, and she gave it. Sure, it hurt her. Sure, HE hurt her. But I'm grateful to her, and the rest of the world should be too.

Someone I know recently pointed out an article by The Millions which made the argument that this is not really an interesting story. The only reason we're interested in this marriage at all is the fact that it involves Hemingway. Hadley's role as a supporter is important, but that doesn't make the story compelling. I think that's why I don't feel that sorry for her. She's not a compelling character in her own right. If she was, she could never have been that foundation on which Hemingway could build his career. So ultimately, we read her story, not because we're interested in her particularly, but because we're interested in whatever else we can find out about Hemingway. This is not the first time I've done this. I once read a biography about Ted Hughes just to find out more about Sylvia Plath from a different angle. 

Anyways, the point is that I liked this book, but it wasn't extremely compelling. I think I liked it more because it put me back in that 1920s Paris setting, and it involved a lot of characters I know and like. On its own? About people I don't know anything about? Probably not that great. Which is sad, because there is a lot of potential for human drama.

I like Candy

Satire. I'm not always a fan. Reading it is hard work, and actually requires thinking. I'm not sure I always get it, and it's not always done very well. Jonathan Swift was pretty good at it, I guess, but maybe that's because I had professors explaining it to me at the time.

So, when a friend of mine (you should check out this blog, even though I won't tell you which of the great contributors is my friend) recommended the book "Candy" to me, and told me it is a satire of Voltaire's "Candide," I was a bit hesitant. First, I've never read "Candide," and I wasn't about to try to read it right now. I've always thought about it as one of those difficult books that requires a professor, lots of literary criticism and other background information to understand. I don't have the slightest idea what it's about, who the characters are, the plot, the importance, etc. Somehow I made it through a degree in Literature without any of this knowledge. So I was afraid I wouldn't really get the satirical remarks or nuances of Candy. Second, it's satire, and ...

But I was eventually sold on giving it a try because of one little word: sex. I'm human. And sometimes interested in the baser pleasures of life - my favorite of which is food. Sue me. So now my interest is piqued, but I'm still not sold. Then he actually gave me his copy of the book. This did it. It must be great if he wanted me to read it THAT much. Also, hey, a new free book!

So, after all my hesitation, did I like it? Short answer: Yes. Long Answer:

 Candy

by Terry Southern and Mason Hoffenberg

Let me say that the story of "Candy" stands on its own. It's pretty good without knowing anything about "Candide" or Voltaire. I kept meaning to do a little research on Voltaire and his famous creation before reading Candy. But I always thought about it when I was not near a computer or when I didn't have time, etc. So the other night I just picked up Candy and started reading. Before I knew it, I was 100 pages in. I finished it two evenings later.

The simple story is this: a young girl with serious daddy issues encounters several different men, each with varying degrees of sexual perversions and needs. Each man does what he can to manipulate Candy into being with him, and each goes about it in a different way. She, of course, goes for it every time, not because she's completely stupid (although she's obviously not bright), but because she's overly accommodating. She wants to be nice, and she thinks really highly of herself for being so giving and generous with herself. However, she's still kind of proper and she knows that all of these sexual encounters are kind of wrong, but doing the wrong is forgivable if she's doing it for someone other than herself. Right?

One incident in particular shows Candy's willingness to give without taking. When she decides to lose her virginity to the gardener, he sneaks into her room in the middle of the night. They begin kissing and things begin to move forward. As soon as she starts to feel pleasure, though, she feels guilty. She has this moment where she realizes that she is willing to suffer pain for this man , but she does not want to suffer pleasure.

One thing I wasn't prepared for was the comedy. I know satire means a lot of ridicule, and examination of human folly. But that doesn't always mean comedy. Does it? I don't know. I'm going to have to read some more satire, I guess. In any event, every scene of this book is comical. Events unfold comically, the characters do and say comical things, and more than once I actually laughed. Well, the sort of soft, grunt of laughter one does while reading alone.

To tell you any more of the plot would do nothing other than tell the entire story, so I won't do that. It's really much better if you let the events unfold on their own. This is a fast, fun read. It seems silly and if you only read it for the story, it certainly is as empty and unsatisfying as some of the sex in the book - pure sweet, unnourishing candy. But it is also very adept, as a satire should be, at examining human nature, with all of its ignorance, innocence, embarrassments, shame, darkness, and the way strong desires of any kind - especially sexual - can bring out the worst in all of us.

Now that I've finished the book, I spent some time and looked up some information on "Candide" and Voltaire to see how things compare, and to see if it enriched my reading of "Candy." By which I mean I spent ten minutes on the Wikipedia page for "Candide." Imagine my surprise when the first sentence told me that "Candide" is also a satire! If I totally understood irony, I might be able to call this ironic. It is the story of a sheltered young man who is indoctrinated into the religion of optimism by a mentor. But he spends the bulk of the story experiencing bad things to the point he becomes disillusioned with the idea of optimism.

The description of Voltaire's novella on Wikipedia could also be an exact description of "Candy." The story is that of "a more serious bildungsroman;" it "parodies many adventure and romance clichés," and the events are "caricatured in a tone that is mordantly matter-of-fact." Also, like "Candy," "Candide" was banned when first published. Where will the similarities end?

Terry Southern and Mason Hoffenberg have apparently done a wonderful job of mimicking and modernizing "Candide." But they've also written a work that stands on its own and makes an impact. And beyond all of that, they've made me want to actually read Voltaire. Well done them. Although, just looking at him, I can't believe it's taken me this long to get to his work. What a nice piece of man Candy he is. I'd like to trade notes with him on skin and hair care.