The Bro Code

If you've never seen "How I Met Your Mother," I order you to start watching immediately! It is the smartest, wittiest and funniest sitcom I've ever seen - and I've seen a lot of them. It's on Monday nights at 8:30 p.m. on CBS. Watch it now!

If you have seen it, you know Barney. He's got a slogan for everything and a catch phrase to go with it. He published a book (and by he, I mean a writer named Matt Kuhn who also writes for the show) called The Bro Code, and even though I don't have his permission, I'd like to put a few articles out here for your reading pleasure. To get the full code, you'll have to purchase it yourself, but here's a little tease.

First, you must know that the Bro Code is "the rules of social decorum that Bros have practiced since the dawn of man ... if not before." (p. ix) "A Bro is a person who would give you the shirt off his back when he doesn't want to wear it anymore. A Bro is a person who will bend over backwards to help you bend someone else over backwards. In short, a Bro is a lifelong companion you can trust will always be there for you, unless he's got something else going on." (p. 1).

ARTICLE 1

Bros before ho's.

The bond between two men is stronger than the bond between a man and a woman because, on average, men are stronger than women. That's just science.

ARTICLE 3

If a Bro gets a dog, it must be at least as tall as his knee when full-grown.

Corollary: Naming a lapdog after a pro wrestler or a character from a Steve McQueen movie does not absolve a Bro from the spirit of this article.

ARTICLE 12

Bros do not share dessert.

Article 41

A Bro never cries.

Exceptions: Watching Field of Dreams, E.T., or a sports legend retire.*

*Applies only to the first time he retires.

Article 69

Duh.

Article 85

If a Bro buys a new car, he is required to pop the hood when showing it off to his Bros.

Corollary: His Bros are required to whistle, even if they have no idea what they're whistling at.

Article 139

Regardless of veracity, a Bro never admits familiarity with a Broadway show or musical, despite th efact that, yes, "Broadway" begins with "Bro."

I promise to buy this book for all of my guy friends who need a little help in the manliness department. Including the girls.